A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

[Nickintex]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

Hillary Clinton, the lead Presidential Democratic Party candidate, is for banning all guns in America . She is considered by those who have dealt with her, as a little more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent rural elementary school meeting in north Florida , she asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, she started to slowly clap her hands, once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.  Then she said into the microphone, 'Every time I clap my hands, a child in America dies from gun violence.'

A young voice, with a proud southern accent, (probably Johnny), pierced the quiet...

'Well, stop clappin, ya stupid EDIT!

   :furious:

I didn't like it :!:

[Philbert]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another'' trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up,
"You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your 'automobiles' on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong ***** out the window."

[Philbert]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

Adam and Eve were walking in the Garden of Eden. They came across God who was putting a few finishing touches to the scenery.
"Oh! Hello you two," said God cheerfully. "I was hoping to see you today. I'm just finishing things off and I've got two gifts left in my bag to share out between you."
"Oh, what are they?" asked Adam excitedly.
"Well the first is a little 'hose' to urinate through," said God. "I've called it a penis."
"Oh brilliant!" exclaimed Adam. "That would be so cool. Just think what I could do with that! I could have competitions to see how far up the wall I could pee, or write my name in the snow, or pee without having to sit down. Hey, I could leave the toilet seat up and annoy the missus. I could have a good time with that. I'd love that God. Can I have it please?"

"OK Adam, there you go," said God as he present Adam with his new equipment. He looked at Eve and uttered, "Well Eve, it looks like you're going to have to make do with multiple orgasms."

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

.............

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

................

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

....................

[fishlady]

..........

poof...gone

[Philbert]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

I guess the restrictions are off on the content of the jokes?
Nasty sex is funny...I got lots of really funny jokes that I thought were too "risque" for what I was told is a family site.
But with boobs, posse, whores, and nasty vaginal smells showing up with no "tsk" "tsk" from MB or any other moderator, I guess I can let loose with some good stuff.

Loretta...posted the goat joke a few pages back.

[Brownsnoutuk]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

Come on Philbert - not just promises. Post some jokes.

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

those weren't distasteful jokes....they were innocent...

[Nickintex]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

Two stereotypical blond girls were walking down the street. The fist girl opens up her compact, looks in the mirror and says "Hey, I know this girl!"
The second one takes her compact, and said  "Let me see!" Then she said, "Of course you know her. It's me, you dummy!"

[fishlady]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

[Philbert]

Re: A joke without porn, profanity, or pain...

Two gay men decide that they want to have a baby, but they don't want to adopt because they want the baby to be as close to their own as possible.

So they both masturbate into a cup and have a doctor use their sperm to impregnate a female friend of theirs.

Nine months later, the two gay men are looking at their baby in the hospital nursery. All of the babies are crying and screaming except for theirs.

"Wow," one of the gay men says, "Our baby is the most well behaved one in here."

A nurse who happens to be walking by says, "Now he's quiet, but wait till we take the pacifier out of his ***."